Roger Harty: ‘True Love’ – What Is It?

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rsz_roger_hartyIF you look up Youtube and search for the engagement interview of Prince Charles and Diana in 1981, they were asked how best they would describe their situation.

Perhaps “in love” suggested the interviewer.

Diana said “yes” while Charles said “in love…whatever that is ?”

With an answer like that, perhaps the omens were not very good from the beginning.

Love and its meaning is something that has baffled mankind for all the age. Perhaps because it is described as both abstract yet very real. Now there’s a paradox.

I’m going to take a stab at it, so here goes!

The Buddha was asked at one stage ‘What is happiness ?’ and his answer was “freedom from stress”.

Note in his reply he very cleverly didn’t say what happiness is – he said what it isn’t i.e. stress!

I am going to suggest a similar take on the subject of ‘Love’ – that love is also ‘freedom from stress’.

When we love someone we want to be with them through thick and thin or as they say, through ‘hell and high water’.

This is very prevalent in the marriage ceremony when the couples agree ‘For better or worse, for richer or poorer in sickness or in health etc I take my partner ……’  then we say “I do”.

When we say “I do” in a meaningful way, that means that we accept fully all things about our partner and all situations that may arise.

Note: just because we ‘Accept’ situations, it does not mean that we cannot work together in trying to change them.

Any married couple would quite readily tell you that things constantly have to be worked at – that is part of the journey!

The key here is the word ‘Acceptance’ because when we truly accept someone or something just as it is (they are!) then a certain type of ‘peace’ arises.

That peace is actually freedom from stress. In a previous article on stress (here) I wrote that stress is ‘Being here and trying to be there’ so therefore as a corollary, freedom from stress is ‘Being Here’ and not trying to be there, i.e Happiness/ Love.

I repeat the key word here is ‘Acceptance’, in other words – I accept and love you just as you are as they say ‘the most beautiful roses have thorns’.

This is the kind of love that Jesus was referring to when He said ‘Love One and Other as I have loved you’.

Note He said ‘One’ first before He said ‘Other’ as we cannot truly love another unless we love ourselves first.

What He meant by ‘Love’ is not to be stressing ourselves with worries and anxieties, treating our bodies and the world we live in with respect and following His guiding Light (message).

We cannot say we are loving our bodies when we are putting it under stress (thoughts, food and deeds), as I said previously you would not put ‘bad petrol in your car’.

When we do this with awareness we are basically saying to our bodies that ‘I accept you just as you are, I treat you well and I wouldn’t change a thing!’

Our bodies respond with a type of inner joy that is best described as love/happiness. This is best achieved when we practice this over a period of time.

We are then in a position to love others with a similar sort of acceptance that is best achieved in a non – judgemental environment. Again when we apply true non-judgemental practices to others that is when love arises.

To finish, ‘True Love’ is a state of being and cannot be achieved, sought after or bought it is something that is ‘Revealed’ when we practice true acceptance.

As the Beatles said; “I don’t care too much for money/money can’t buy me love”

Next week I am going to write about ‘Technology and the effect it has on our lives’

• Roger Harty is a life coach and can be contacted on 087-6128336, on twitter at @Innerjoyz1 or by email 

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