I HAVE an overactive mind. A seriously overactive mind.
That is, when I’m not thinking about Taylor Swift and other general teenager things (and no mom I don’t mean kissing boys), my mind is constantly thinking about life.
Questions reel through my mind constantly. Life’s unanswerable questions apparently. But the fact that they are “unanswerable” wrecks my head. How can a question have no answer? Or how can a question have a million possibilities?
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Life is not algebra, it is not an ‘x’ that we have to solve. It shouldn’t be.
I don’t want to go for the childish approach on this but, it’s not fair.
When I was younger, I was always the kid in class to ask all the questions. I was always taught to ask questions whenever I was confused. My questioning sprees would usually be in Maths and Irish, if we are all being honest.
But, now I have another questioning spree prepared about life. Who do I ask if no-one has the answers?
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I want to ask the most basic stuff. Like, why are we here? What is our purpose on earth? Where do we go when we die? Is there a God? Why are humans like this? What is life all about?
Why, why, why, why?
I ask myself how people don’t go insane from these questions. But I have learned of many “solutions” that people often turn too, just to keep their mind from reeling. Or at least that is what I tell myself, because apparently some people just don’t care.
Yes, you heard me correctly. Some people actually don’t care about what life is about. They just live it with no thoughts whatsoever. And I know that sounds very tumblr or whatever, but it just won’t cut it for me.
Anyway, back to the people who actually care about their life purpose and general knowledge about the world that we live in and why we are here.
Some people turn to religion. A technique that I tried, but abandoned when I was of the age to make the decision for myself. I do not wish to offend people with my views about religion, so I will not delve into the ooey centre of my reasons for leaving the Catholic faith (read the papers and then read my speech on equality).
Religion tends to have the ability to give us all the answers. When you ask a question it can give you an answer. Some are quite straight forward but others are a bit too vague for my liking. Also, when confronted, people tend to have very different views about their religion. Which, if I am honest, kind of throws me off.
I know that you can read the bible and it will probably give you some very odd answers. Or it will tell you how some men in robes healed the world. But I am not here to judge.
Anyway, religion can not answer the questions that I want answered.
I believe in life after death. I don’t believe that it just ends. I don’t know if I believe in reincarnation. I think that it is a nice thought to think that we are reborn as something else. Whether it be another human or a fly. But how long does this last? How many times can we come back?
If it is true, then why don’t we remember it when we are re-born? Or do we remember but we simply forget, like how we forget about all our earlier childhood memories? Was I Marilyn Monroe at one point? Or is this my first time being a human?
I told you that the answers, or in this situation, the questions are endless. But I don’t want the questions to be endless. I want the answers to be real.
I want a book that can just explain things to me. Or even better, give it to me in movie form and make a twitter account. I want this nagging to go away.
I haven’t learned everything about life yet, or at least the stuff that is available to me. I am only fifteen years old and I have more questions than answers. But the stuff that I can find out (let’s be honest google), is not nearly as interesting as the stuff that no-one can answer.
I would love to form my views for you on a piece of paper, right here, right now. But I don’t actually know what they are yet. Maybe I will never get a full understanding on life; but that doesn’t mean that I will ever stop trying.
Like ever.
Follow Zoë O’Connor on Twitter at @Zobo2042
