I HAD an aunt who used to give advice that in the event of a row “don’t get involved”.
She is long passed on now, God rest her, but I can still hear her voice in my head and she used to pronounce the ‘v’ in involved like a ‘w’, like “don’t get inwolved” and she’d say it with a glint in her eye.
She used to say it like a throwaway comment, but as time goes on I can now appreciate all the more the wisdom of that throwaway comment, as well as the everlasting wisdom that emanated from the glint in her eye. Very powerful indeed.
I wrote recently about a place of calm in a storm and how it brought about peace (http://traleetoday.ie/roger-harty-an-eye-for-calm/).
Well in a similar way, in the case of a row (especially a heated row), the above advice can administer a similar type of peace when needed. If nothing else it will take the heat out of a situation rather than erupting it.
Only yesterday someone put up a post in Facebook asking about the difference between a discussion and an argument. It was explained as follows;
In the case of an argument one can discover… ‘Who is right’ and
In the case of a discussion one can discover… ‘What is right’
‘Not getting involved’ does not mean that you are not part of the row. Yes you have a part to play but it allows for a place of calm where you can still be ‘of the row’ but not ‘in it’. This ‘calmness’ will be of great benefit in the search for a solution.
In a similar way, getting to the ‘eye of a storm’ will bring you to a place of calm where you funnily enough are still part ‘of the storm’ but not ‘in it’.
Both of the above situations will bring us to a place of observation, where we can still watch very closely what is going on without getting sucked in to the storm or row as it erupts.
Did you ever watch a rotating blade spin very fast, it spins so fast that it even looks calm as though it is not moving. The strong advice would be to stay out of it and make sure not to put your finger in— danger is about and not to get sucked in. Don’t get inwolved!
In the innocent or youth when I was about sixteen, a friend of mine gave me similar advice when he said with true Tralee wisdom, “in the case of a row – take lots of no-notice”.
That skill of taking ‘lots of no-notice’ and ‘not getting involved’ is a skill that I believe is well worth developing and putting into practice.
I also believe developing this skill and applying the advice is more important now more than ever, as we live in a world of social media where hurtful painful comments from keyboard warriors can indeed cause so much damage and can even end lives.
Need I mention the current tragedy of television presenter Caroline Flack among many other instances?
• Next week I am going to write about ————— Emotions, what are they?
Roger, deep thinking and true wisdom indeed. Mind you, it could be argued that your philosophy maybe needs to be qualified to the extent that it applies to issues of a personal or person to person nature.
For example, if it were applied mistakenly to the current “developed country” emerging political model it would suit the establishment nicely because although disenfranchised and suffering, the ordinary people would choose “ not to get involved”. Until recently I was perplexed as to why well educated and intelligent populations were prepared to “stay out of it” as their livelihoods were eroded, their possessions repossessed and their public services decimated while their direct and indirect taxes were progressively increased.
Now I think we can see that maybe they finally realise that “not getting involved” feeds into the strategy of the establishment and destroys ordinary people’s quality of life.
Across Europe, finally, people are getting involved and by doing so I think the next phase in our history will be a very interesting balancing act.
Just some thoughts and looking forward to you posts