Roger Harty: Self Esteem -Our Driving Force

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rsz_roger_hartyOUR self-esteem connects deep into our inner core – I suppose you could say it is our inner Sat-Nav and our driving force all in one.

Without it – to borrow a phrase from former Kerry footballer Tomás Ó Sé – we are rudderless.

But what is self-esteem and why is it so important. To cut a long story short, it is what is derived from the value that we put on ourselves. It is connected with standards that we create.

These standards are extremely important but also they must be intertwined with a certain amount of forgiveness should we not reach these self-imposed standards.

‘If you stand for everything then you stand for nothing’

These standards are often set from early childhood and lie deep within us. From that space we derive a reason for living – as the French call it ‘raison d’être’.

Because it is connected with our inner core values it is a vital part of our psychological makeup – thus I believe it is very helpful to have a psychological ‘tool’ to help us to navigate it.

What I mean by a psychological ‘tool’ in plain English is ‘something to help us enhance our self esteem’ it is a ‘modus operandi’ a way of living or if you were to put it in the context of buying a new car or machine it is the drivers manual/operating instructions.

This is where ‘God’ can play a pivotal role in our lives. Now I really don’t want to get into a never-ending and fruitless debate about whether God does/doesn’t exist and who is God etc, but if we are comfortable with the concept of a higher, all-loving, all-accepting, all-giving, everlasting power then it is extremely helpful.

My best shot at describing it is a ‘Higher Energy – Guiding light’ which I call ‘God’.

Now if we can accept that there is a ‘higher power’ and that we as human beings are directly connected with this ‘higher power’ then this can be of huge psychological comfort to us an can bring great peace to our lives.

The concept I am trying to give is the same as a wave is part of the ocean, but it also at the same time it is the ocean because at what stage do they separate.

When we respect that we are part of a ‘Higher Power’ and when we respect that ‘Higher Power’ then we in turn respect the enormity of the Power that lies within ourselves.

When I criticise (self- judge)  myself I am criticising the higher power that lies within me and how dare I criticise God (higher power).

The opposite of self-criticism is self-love, self-acceptance and self-appreciation of our inner Power – In this way we are truly showing our love for God , His World and all that He creates ( especially ourselves).

When we get that right within ourselves we can then learn to appreciate every other human being (as everyone has connection/is) to the same higher power, along with our planet and all that lies within it. Our sat-nav is now functioning on full steam!

This inner appreciation of who we really are and who we really are connected to gives us a deep respect for ourselves and from that respect arises true and genuine  self – esteem.

This self–esteem (lack of self-criticism!) in turn results in an inner peace and self-confidence that is all-loving. It is neither arrogant nor bold but deeply respectful. We truly learn to love ourselves and in turn others.

This is what Jesus meant when he said “love one and other as I have loved you”.

Because this is ‘self love’ it is not dependant on life’s circumstances nor the opinions/ attitudes of others.

If your self-worth is gained from others, you will forever need approval, when in reality all you need is to trust yourself.   –  Leon Brown

Next week I am going to write about a great Buddhist story called – ‘Is that So’

• Roger Harty is a life coach and can be contacted on 087-6128336, on twitter at @Innerjoyz1 or by email

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